User blog:Hipper/Epic Crap Battles: Charlie Sheen vs Pit

In today's beautiful rap battle, we have Carlos Irwin Estevez AKA Charlie Sheen from his eponymous movies/TV shows rapping against flightless angel captain and protagonist of the Kid Icarus series Pit. This is gonna be a masterpiece.

Intro
EPIC CRAP BATTLES OF HISTORY

CHARLIE SHEEN

VS

PIT

BEGIN

Pit
Out of all the Myths and Monsters; it's Carlos here who wants to face me?

Quit trying to be cool! You're nothing but a washed up actor while I'm an angelic prodigy!

My popularity's Uprising! Saving the 3DS here with my Young Guns!

I've destroyed countless gods and goddesses, you'll need Eight Men Out to even stand a chance against my EZ Cannon!

I'm dropping lyrical Reset Bombs here! I'm so fly I don't even need the Power of Flight!

You can't stop this Force of Nature, Charlie! I'll destroy your career worse than Food Fight!

Charlie Sheen
Sorry, I wasn't listening. Like your games's sales, that verse was pathetic.

You want some Good Advice? Stop being a gluttonous pig and hide behind your goddess.

An Angelic Prodigy? Not even close! I'll rip you into Two Halves of a Man once I bring in The Boys Next Door.

And tell me, what kind of moron thinks they'll get healed by eating ice cream off the floor?

My movies have broken box office records more times than you've broken the 4th wall.

It's time to drop a Mirror of Truth bomb on you, bitch. Nobody would remember you if it weren't for Super Smash Bros Brawl.

Pit
I'm supposed to be protecting humans, but I'm sure Lady Palutena wouldn't mind if I made one exception!

Your Tiger Blood's nothing to my Tiger Claws! This battle is one I'm certainly gonna be Winning!

I heard you're into drugs...wait, what's a drug exactly? --

Viridi: Pit, don't ask questions now! You're supposed to be rapping!

--

Uh..right! It'll be a Bad Day on the Block once my Three Sacred Treasures make the scene!

Leaving you battered and defeated; call this your Game Over screen!

Charlie Sheen
Did you just steal my catchphrase? Wouldn't be the first time you ripped off something.

Take away those wings plus your awful voice acting and you're just another Link!

You're more forgotten than Captain Falcon! I can see why nobody played your games!

You must bore Palutena immensely; no wonder why she decided to have a skeleton get laid.

With lyrics so flawed, you remind me of Dark Pit! I'll Navy SEAL the deal once I kick you in your Great Sacred Pearls!

Put some Soul in your bars, moron! The only way I can listen to you is by being higher than Skyworld!

Ending
WHO WON

WHO'S NEXT

YOU DECIDE!

Poll
Who won? Pit Charlie Sheen